I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
