When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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