It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I currently don't understand fingers.
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