You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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