just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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