I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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