Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
