Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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