Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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