You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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