I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
