My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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