New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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