Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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