He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
