meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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