Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
