I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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