Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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