I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
