you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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