I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize