New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
