I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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