party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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