My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
