I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
