i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
