ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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