I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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