Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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