I hate your face
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
