smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
