I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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