just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
