i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
