why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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