i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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