she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
