I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
