isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
