Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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