I cockslap morals
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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