I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
