I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Text me some of your sweat
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
