I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
