My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
