Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
