Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
