Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
