I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
