3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
