Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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