I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
