I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My balls are so social today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize