just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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