Umm I'm too high to move.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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