Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
