i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
