Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
