So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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