Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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