I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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