you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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