At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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