Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
