I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
