Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
