Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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