He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
