I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
