I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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