By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
