I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
