i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize