I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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