Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
