this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
