mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
