wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
