I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's blow job season.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize