Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
