GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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