Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
