Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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