My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
