Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
