GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
