I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
