either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
