I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
