So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize