Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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