the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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