End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
