You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
we're so committed to being not committed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
