he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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