Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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