I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
