I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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